I saw this banned commercial a long while back. I just decided to post it just because I wanted to brighten everyones week! If you've seen than awesome. If this is your first times seeing it...ohhh...it's funny! A little dirty...but funny!
This was probably the funniest banned commercial I have ever seen! By Mastercard of all kinds of people! I have watched this commercial many times and to me it just doesn't get old. I can watch it again and again and still laugh!
I think that's the kind of dad that I will be when my daughters are older!
Well I hope ya'll have a great day!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Planting balls? What?
Well the other day as our yard was in the middle of clean up. Lorin and I were discussing home improvement stuff...like we do! Now let me just warn you, in my old age I am losing my hearing. Mostly I think it's from loud explosions and gunfire from combat of my days spent in the USMC.
Well anyways! Lorin and I were talking about stuff that we should do with the yard. This is how the conversation went:
Lorin: Well in the front yard where the planter area is closest to the house, we should plant BALLS! You know have a little ball garden.
Gary: What did you just say we should plant?
Lorin: Bulbs!?!?!
Gary: Ohhhh...I thought you said something else!
Lorin: Oh really? Like what?
Gary: I could have swore you said we should plant balls, and have a little ball garden.
Lorin:(Looking rather confused)Why the hell would we plant balls?
Gary: I don't know! That's why I asked you to repeat what you said.
Lorin: What the hell is a ball garden?
Gary: Like I said, I don't know. I thought it was a rather strange idea too! Can you imagine it. I am sure there are some idiots out there who would probably think to do something like that.
Lorin: Like what?
This is where my imagination takes over!
Gary: Well think about it. Some colossal moron starts to plant some balls to make more balls. He/she plants a tennis ball, a basketball, a ping pong ball, a baseball, a golf ball or any other kind of ball with hopes of it growing into a lovely tree that produces said balls!
Lorin: (Sarcastically)Yea...'cause that's where balls come from right?
Gary: (Responding sarcastically)Didn't you know? I thought that everybody knew that! You know, ball farmers growing organic balls for peoples entertainment! Can you imagine that?
Lorin: You know some people are really dumb enough to try it.
Gary: Oh I am certain of that. Hey I think I might blog about this.
Lorin: Oh you should definitely blog about our "ball" garden!
So that's the kind of conversations we have late at night! I know I know...we are nutso! But hey we're cute!
Well also, the landscapers are done with the yard. It is now a bare dirt lot in the front and back yard. Yippee! No more rocks! Now we can plant some damn grass. I would much rather mow the yard than to look at a rock yard. So phase 1 of the yard of death is complete!
Well anyways! Lorin and I were talking about stuff that we should do with the yard. This is how the conversation went:
Lorin: Well in the front yard where the planter area is closest to the house, we should plant BALLS! You know have a little ball garden.
Gary: What did you just say we should plant?
Lorin: Bulbs!?!?!
Gary: Ohhhh...I thought you said something else!
Lorin: Oh really? Like what?
Gary: I could have swore you said we should plant balls, and have a little ball garden.
Lorin:(Looking rather confused)Why the hell would we plant balls?
Gary: I don't know! That's why I asked you to repeat what you said.
Lorin: What the hell is a ball garden?
Gary: Like I said, I don't know. I thought it was a rather strange idea too! Can you imagine it. I am sure there are some idiots out there who would probably think to do something like that.
Lorin: Like what?
This is where my imagination takes over!
Gary: Well think about it. Some colossal moron starts to plant some balls to make more balls. He/she plants a tennis ball, a basketball, a ping pong ball, a baseball, a golf ball or any other kind of ball with hopes of it growing into a lovely tree that produces said balls!
Lorin: (Sarcastically)Yea...'cause that's where balls come from right?
Gary: (Responding sarcastically)Didn't you know? I thought that everybody knew that! You know, ball farmers growing organic balls for peoples entertainment! Can you imagine that?
Lorin: You know some people are really dumb enough to try it.
Gary: Oh I am certain of that. Hey I think I might blog about this.
Lorin: Oh you should definitely blog about our "ball" garden!
So that's the kind of conversations we have late at night! I know I know...we are nutso! But hey we're cute!
Well also, the landscapers are done with the yard. It is now a bare dirt lot in the front and back yard. Yippee! No more rocks! Now we can plant some damn grass. I would much rather mow the yard than to look at a rock yard. So phase 1 of the yard of death is complete!
Friday, March 11, 2011
The yard of death!
Well we are nearly at an end for the yard of death! Ok. So we have this front yard right? Well it's the ugliest yard in the neighborhood. Seriously! We have had neighbors come to knock on our door to complain. My usual response is "hey I would rather have a working toilet/washer and dryer/refrigerator/stove/etc... than a beautiful yard!" They usually turn their noses up at me and say shit like "well you should do something about it anyways!" Where upon I say things like "oh...are you paying for it?" or "I plan to when money isn't so tight" or "no...really? I just like it looking hideous it gives the house charm!"
Well the days of making up excuses and snarky remarks are nearly at its end. When we moved here the front yard had rocks for the front yard! No grass just a rock yard. Well over the last few years weeds blow in from whereabouts unknown and start to grow through the damn rocks. Ordinarly I wouldn't care and I would just mow the yard regularly so no one could even tell there are weeds there without stopping and looking real close. Well ROCKS! I can't mow rocks. I would have to get a weed eater to do that and a really good one at that because those are just fiesty weeds. Industrial strength weed killer doesn't do much to them!
So that is just a minor description of what our yard has looked like for the last few years. Seeing it...is worse...trust me! Well my mom paid these landscapers to come in and remove the rocks and do a general yard clean up for a very reasonable fee. I guess landscaping work in the winter is hard to come by, so they are doing it "dirt" cheap(hehehe pun was intended)! So tomorrow is supposedly their last day. They just have to finish with the clean up. Most of the rocks are now GONE! I am doing a happy dance right now! I'd show you but I am not that cruel!
So I will keep ya'll up to date on the goings on in my life!
Well the days of making up excuses and snarky remarks are nearly at its end. When we moved here the front yard had rocks for the front yard! No grass just a rock yard. Well over the last few years weeds blow in from whereabouts unknown and start to grow through the damn rocks. Ordinarly I wouldn't care and I would just mow the yard regularly so no one could even tell there are weeds there without stopping and looking real close. Well ROCKS! I can't mow rocks. I would have to get a weed eater to do that and a really good one at that because those are just fiesty weeds. Industrial strength weed killer doesn't do much to them!
So that is just a minor description of what our yard has looked like for the last few years. Seeing it...is worse...trust me! Well my mom paid these landscapers to come in and remove the rocks and do a general yard clean up for a very reasonable fee. I guess landscaping work in the winter is hard to come by, so they are doing it "dirt" cheap(hehehe pun was intended)! So tomorrow is supposedly their last day. They just have to finish with the clean up. Most of the rocks are now GONE! I am doing a happy dance right now! I'd show you but I am not that cruel!
So I will keep ya'll up to date on the goings on in my life!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Corn nuts!
I have to say that I really HATE corn nuts. Everytime I smell them I gag and damn near vomit. I don't know what it is about them that makes me almost up-chuck but there is just something about the way they smell.
In class there is this guy beside me and I think that corn nuts is all he eats. I see him all over campus munching away on them. I had to move across the room the other day just so I wouldn't throw up on him(or myself).
The smell of corn nuts almost angers me. No really! I want to start punching people when I see them eating them or just for good measure so they know not to eat corn nuts around me! Problem is I just can't start punching people for no reason. That's not cool! Well maybe...
As I said I don't know where this comes from. The smell of corn, popcorn or any other corn product does not do this to me...just corn nuts. This goes for any flavor of the product corn nuts! I don't know if anyone else feels this way about corn nuts or any other snack foods. I just hope I am not the only CRAZY person out there!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
This post is rather disgusting so don't read if you're not in the mood
Not to be gross or anything, but Taco Bell makes my ass hurt! No...I think I will be gross! As much as I enjoy my Taco Bell, it sure gives me the shits! We had the Bell last night and I am forseeing a day of being on the toilet cursing the day it was ever thought up! Screaming "oh my gosh what was I thinking!"
Do you ever just gross yourself out while pooping? I have been on the toilet going poo and the sound of my bum and the sloshing water was just awful. I thought to myself "how did I get here crying and gagging in the bathroom?" or "dear God let me leave this bathroom alive!" or "I hope nobody heard that!"
Have you ever called others over to come and look at what you just defecated? I have. When I was a younger man I asked a fellow Marine to have a look at the turd I just shat. As he is walking up I said "doesn't my turd kind of resemble the country Italy?" Or another time in the USMC, where I was out in field and had dug a 2 feet deep hole in the ground to shit in. The damn thing was sticking out about 5 or 6 inches out of the hole. That was a masterpiece! Eating MRE's(meals ready to eat) for several weeks will do that to you!
Have you ever farted and grossed yourself out by the smell? Yup! That one has happened to me also! No stories on that one. It usually happens after Taco Bell though! I can sometimes clear a room.
Do you ever use public restrooms and hope that no one comes in while you are taking a dump? I generally don't poop in public restrooms, but I have when it has been too much for me to hold. Once while doing number 2, someone came in...coughed a couple of times...then ran out screaming! Well this was gross yes, but the worst part was that it was a womans voice I heard. Yup! I had just taken a dump in the wrong bathroom. As I sat there fully embarassed, I wondered to myself how exactly I was going to leave this bathroom without getting noticed? Because I could hear the woman outside of the bathroom door chatting with someone. I could only imagine that her and her lady friend(s) were waiting outside just to see who it was that made such a stink! So what the hell was I going to do? I came up with an idea that I am not proud of. I finished, put on my best performance, and walked out.(I am not trying to offend anyone by telling you what I did, so I am so very sorry if it does) I came out of the bathroom and pretended to be mentally handicapped(as I said I am not proud of that)! She and her two friends were nearby and had mortified looks on their faces. Then they just walked away mumbling to each other sheepishly and from the sound of it they were embarassed for waiting there to see who came out! YES! My plan worked!
Ok well that's all the grossness I can muster for one day. I hope that this amuses you. I also hope that this post has not offended anyone in anyway. Thank you and have a nice day!
Do you ever just gross yourself out while pooping? I have been on the toilet going poo and the sound of my bum and the sloshing water was just awful. I thought to myself "how did I get here crying and gagging in the bathroom?" or "dear God let me leave this bathroom alive!" or "I hope nobody heard that!"
Have you ever called others over to come and look at what you just defecated? I have. When I was a younger man I asked a fellow Marine to have a look at the turd I just shat. As he is walking up I said "doesn't my turd kind of resemble the country Italy?" Or another time in the USMC, where I was out in field and had dug a 2 feet deep hole in the ground to shit in. The damn thing was sticking out about 5 or 6 inches out of the hole. That was a masterpiece! Eating MRE's(meals ready to eat) for several weeks will do that to you!
Have you ever farted and grossed yourself out by the smell? Yup! That one has happened to me also! No stories on that one. It usually happens after Taco Bell though! I can sometimes clear a room.
Do you ever use public restrooms and hope that no one comes in while you are taking a dump? I generally don't poop in public restrooms, but I have when it has been too much for me to hold. Once while doing number 2, someone came in...coughed a couple of times...then ran out screaming! Well this was gross yes, but the worst part was that it was a womans voice I heard. Yup! I had just taken a dump in the wrong bathroom. As I sat there fully embarassed, I wondered to myself how exactly I was going to leave this bathroom without getting noticed? Because I could hear the woman outside of the bathroom door chatting with someone. I could only imagine that her and her lady friend(s) were waiting outside just to see who it was that made such a stink! So what the hell was I going to do? I came up with an idea that I am not proud of. I finished, put on my best performance, and walked out.(I am not trying to offend anyone by telling you what I did, so I am so very sorry if it does) I came out of the bathroom and pretended to be mentally handicapped(as I said I am not proud of that)! She and her two friends were nearby and had mortified looks on their faces. Then they just walked away mumbling to each other sheepishly and from the sound of it they were embarassed for waiting there to see who came out! YES! My plan worked!
Ok well that's all the grossness I can muster for one day. I hope that this amuses you. I also hope that this post has not offended anyone in anyway. Thank you and have a nice day!
Friday, February 18, 2011
Oh by the by
Hey does anyone know what happened to the bloggers from Ireland, Hazel and Paul? I haven't seen them post for like ever and stuff. Maybe they're doing like me and taking a hiatus from the blogging world. I dunno! Well I was just pondering that, so if anyone knows I about them I am quite curious.
Ok...ok...I will post something already!
Geez! It has been quite a while since I posted anything as some have stated(Countess and Paige) but well I just honestly haven't been in the mood. It's not that I don't like you guys or anything, it's just that I am busy with my schooling and I really haven't been in the mood to blog.
I have attempted a few times to write and even managed to finish a few of them, but when I reread them my perfectionist streak came out and I never posted them. So alas, that is what is wrong with my little bloggy blog!
So I am in some interesting classes. I managed to skip out of a math class into the next higher math course. Apparently in my old age I have gotten better at math! Who knew! No really! I sucked at math all throughout my years in elementary school and high school. It was always my lowest grade. Now that I am in my 30's math seems to come easier! Hmmmm!
I am taking a Anthropology class. It's a little different but somehow I am yet again the class leader when it comes to discussions. Why do I always have to be the Alpha male? Or Alpha at all? I always seem to be the only one who wants to talk during class discussions. Last semester in the "sex" class I did most of the talking there too! So much that the teacher even said something to me after class. It was a little insulting but I just brushed it off and the following 2 weeks I didn't say a word. I think he noticed that no one wanted to do any talking. So he looks at me and directly asks what I think, just to get somebody talking!
I am in a Humanities class, which is basically a class on history. I LOOOOVE history so this should be a breeze.
Then there is my English class. I had the same teacher in a previous English class, so I know how he teaches and how he grades. Plus I am yet again...the class clown. English comes easy to me so this one should also be easy cheesy!
I also just realized how close I really am to that nursing degree. A few weeks ago I was planning out what classes to take for each semester and then I realized how few classes I actually had left to take. Which is a good thing because that GI Bill money stops January 2014. I know that sounds like a long ways but when I sat down and wrote it down...it really isn't. The GI Bill is only available during the first 10 years your out of the military. Well due to crazy-ass ex-wife I had to put off using it. Now I am finally using it and with very little time left on the clock for my degree. So it's sort of a race against time to get my degree before that money runs out! Wish me luck with that.
Well as I have stated previously my mom is now living with me and Lorin. Well since she has been living in Louisiana for the last several years, I warned her that it was going to be much colder than she has been used to. I explained about all the snow we get being this close to Lake Tahoe. I went on and on... Then...as soon as we arrived, back in January...NO FUCKING SNOW! It apparently all melted. Ok! Not only that but it was warm!?!?!? Huh? What the hell? It has been like fricken Spring for the last month. I guess all those in the Mid-West and North East got all of our damn snow! Seriously? It was shorts wearing weather here. Well low and behold...the snow finally came back! It hasn't stopped snowing for the past two days now. Oy! I forgot how much I hate shoveling the snow off our sidewalks and driveway. See that's what I get for being all pissy about not having any snow.
Well other than that nothing new to report SIR! So I bid you good-day!
I have attempted a few times to write and even managed to finish a few of them, but when I reread them my perfectionist streak came out and I never posted them. So alas, that is what is wrong with my little bloggy blog!
So I am in some interesting classes. I managed to skip out of a math class into the next higher math course. Apparently in my old age I have gotten better at math! Who knew! No really! I sucked at math all throughout my years in elementary school and high school. It was always my lowest grade. Now that I am in my 30's math seems to come easier! Hmmmm!
I am taking a Anthropology class. It's a little different but somehow I am yet again the class leader when it comes to discussions. Why do I always have to be the Alpha male? Or Alpha at all? I always seem to be the only one who wants to talk during class discussions. Last semester in the "sex" class I did most of the talking there too! So much that the teacher even said something to me after class. It was a little insulting but I just brushed it off and the following 2 weeks I didn't say a word. I think he noticed that no one wanted to do any talking. So he looks at me and directly asks what I think, just to get somebody talking!
I am in a Humanities class, which is basically a class on history. I LOOOOVE history so this should be a breeze.
Then there is my English class. I had the same teacher in a previous English class, so I know how he teaches and how he grades. Plus I am yet again...the class clown. English comes easy to me so this one should also be easy cheesy!
I also just realized how close I really am to that nursing degree. A few weeks ago I was planning out what classes to take for each semester and then I realized how few classes I actually had left to take. Which is a good thing because that GI Bill money stops January 2014. I know that sounds like a long ways but when I sat down and wrote it down...it really isn't. The GI Bill is only available during the first 10 years your out of the military. Well due to crazy-ass ex-wife I had to put off using it. Now I am finally using it and with very little time left on the clock for my degree. So it's sort of a race against time to get my degree before that money runs out! Wish me luck with that.
Well as I have stated previously my mom is now living with me and Lorin. Well since she has been living in Louisiana for the last several years, I warned her that it was going to be much colder than she has been used to. I explained about all the snow we get being this close to Lake Tahoe. I went on and on... Then...as soon as we arrived, back in January...NO FUCKING SNOW! It apparently all melted. Ok! Not only that but it was warm!?!?!? Huh? What the hell? It has been like fricken Spring for the last month. I guess all those in the Mid-West and North East got all of our damn snow! Seriously? It was shorts wearing weather here. Well low and behold...the snow finally came back! It hasn't stopped snowing for the past two days now. Oy! I forgot how much I hate shoveling the snow off our sidewalks and driveway. See that's what I get for being all pissy about not having any snow.
Well other than that nothing new to report SIR! So I bid you good-day!
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