I despise stupid people

Ok just to let you know a few things about me. And some funny stories to go with my pizza adventures.

I currently have been working at a pizza place called 5 Buck Pizza. I've been there for almost two years. Its run by Tony-owner and his brother Derek-general manager(my boss). I know its not the most glamorous of jobs, but hey its a job. I work there because well there is an economic/no job crisis going on in America; I consider it a college kind of job, since I'm in college...why not; I get all the FREE PIZZA I want; I'm an assistant manager there so I can pretty much do what I want(provided the tasks get done); the pay is low but the tips are good(when I am out delivering the pizza); as far as flexible work schedule go there is not much better, they work around my personal and college schedule, when I want time off I get it, when I need more hours I get it; and lastly I get to meet some interesting people!

In the time I have worked there I have come across some really...dimwitted people. Me and Derek we are very much alike so when we get together it is quite...um...entertaining. We also pass along stories of amusement when customers are dumbasses.

So last night as I am closing up the store. Literally the lights are out, the alarm is set, signs say closed, and I am locking the doors. I get done locking the doors and have turned around to go to my truck and there is this couple walking up to me. I say "hi" and start to go to my truck and they proceed to ask me "um...are you guys closed"? I'm thinking "really...what was your first clue"? But I say "yes we closed like half an hour ago, and I am heading home". They say "oh...so we can't get a pizza"? I'm thinking "wow...these people are real rocket scientists". I say "yea we closed". They ask "do you think you could open it back up and make us one real quick"? I say "no I would have to turn off the alarm, turn the oven back on and wait for it to heat up,clock back in, break out the register, make the pizza and send you on your way which would take about 20 to 25 minutes and I really don't want to do all of that". They storm off muttering to each other "that was rude all we wanted was a pizza". I just roll my eyes and go home thinking "idiots"!

Now mind you that is not the first time village idiots have wandered to my store. There are many other tales to tell. Like:

Phone rings
I pick up and answer: thank you for calling 5 buck pizza how may I help you?
Dude guy on the other end of the line: um...yea how much are your pizzas?
Me: five bucks.
Dude guy: oh.

Lady walks in
Lady: I would like to order 4 pizzas blah blah blah.
Derek: ok well your total is blah.
Lady: um...that can't be right, I am supposed to get a discount.
Derek: ok...why is that?
Lady: because I am Tonys mother, who is the owner of this place.
Now mind you the owner and Derek are brothers, so the look that Derek has is priceless.
Derek: ohhhh really now...thats funny because Tony never mentioned that we have another mother... he and I are brothers by the way!
The lady now has a stupid look on her face and says "oh I see...well here's the money, keep the change" as she hurries out of the store.
Really...are people this cheap? Our pizzas are 5 frickin bucks!

Closing time the phone rings
I answer: thank you for calling 5 buck pizza after hours I am sorry we are currently closed.
Caller: um I would like to order this and some of that and some more of this.
Meanwhile I am trying to interrupt him telling him that we are closed, but he is just not listening.
Caller: did you get all of that?
Me: sir we are currently closed.
Caller: what... well why didn't you say so?
Me: I did...

Mohawk guy walks into store
Mohawk: hi I'm here to pick up my pizza.
Me: ok what did you order because I haven't had any orders recently?
Mohawk: what...I just called like 15 minutes ago and spoke to this chick and she took my order.
Me: we don't have any women who work here.
Mohawk: umm...really...than who the hell did I call?
Me: not here.
Mohawk: (checking his phone) oh I called this other place...oops

Angry guy walks in and comes up to the counter where I am
Me: how may I help you?
Angry guy: do you work here?
Me: nope...I am just trying to rob the place while wearing a employee shirt so nobody is the wiser.(I am a little bit of a smart ass sometimes)
Angry guy: hmm...well I would like to speak to a manager about your attitude and about a complaint on your pizza.
Me with a huge grin on my face: ok let me just get one for you.
I turn around and yell out my own name and then turn back around to the angry customer.
Me: hi...I'm a manager how may I help you? I say this with the most sarcastic tone possible.
Angry guy with a confused then even more angry look on his face. We'll just call him Angrier guy now.
Angrier guy: yea I bought this pizza from you guys two days ago, I ate part of it the day I bought it and decided to have a slice of it today and it has now gone bad. What are you going to do about it?
Me: umm...nothing! What AM I supposed to do about that?
Angrier guy: what...you're not going to do anything? I want my money back or another pizza in its place.
Me: well did you put the pizza in the fridge after you ate some of the first night?
Angrier guy: no...but that doesn't matter.
Me: well actually it does. First of all, you are not getting anything. You didn't put the pizza in the fridge, you bought it two days ago, and you are just not smart.
Angrier guy: well whatever...I am never buying from you guys again!
Me: ok...glad to be of help...bye bye now!
Are people really this stupid? My answer is yes they are and somehow manage to live here. I sometimes wonder why I don't have a special pin labeled DARWIN AWARD WINNER for some of these morons, that I can just hand out to them or mail to them when they do or say dumb shit.

Well that's all of the stories for now. I know it was a long blog but I hope it was an entertaining one. Bye for now.